The future can only be anticipated in the form of an absolute danger. It is that which breaks absolutely with constituted normality and can only be proclaimed, presented, as a sort of monstrosity.
Jacques Derrida, Of Grammatology
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
Sunday, 15 November 2009
Bun in the oven...AND STILL BAKING!
As I write this on Sunday afternoon, November 15th, my wife is still massively pregnant. The due date has come and gone, and several more days have passed. I feel like I used to as a small child waiting for Christmas Day to arrive. Imagine for a year you had been told that you were going to get the most amazing Christmas present, but when you woke up on the 25th of December someone said to you, "Maybe tomorrow." And then imagine that "Maybe tomorrow" keeps on being repeated. This is how me and my wife feel. The poor thing was so upset last Thursday when the baby failed to show its face. I was heartbroken for her because she got so sad and disappointed. Maybe it's just better to think of it as indefinitely postponed, to make the expectation and subsequent relief even greater. If it does come, can I still remain Expectant-Dad? Yes, I think so - expectant of the new world of possibilities that open up with fatherhood. No-one has said anything about one phase of life being over, and I'd disagree with them if they did, but I'm actually looking forward to a new world of added responsibility. I've only been a husband for just over a year, but now I will have two people's needs to put before my own.
We've tried all the old-wives' tales to bring on the baby. Last week we actually ate three curries which must be some sort of record. For one week our house did actually smell like a proper asian household! We've also tried, whisper it, S-E-X, which wasn't massively easy. It didn't work either, but it was almost as enjoyable as the curry. There is still one thing to be done, recommended by midwives, GPs (my wife's friend) and which can only be alluded to here. It involves olive oil...
Let's hope this works, because once this boundary is crossed there is no going back...
We've tried all the old-wives' tales to bring on the baby. Last week we actually ate three curries which must be some sort of record. For one week our house did actually smell like a proper asian household! We've also tried, whisper it, S-E-X, which wasn't massively easy. It didn't work either, but it was almost as enjoyable as the curry. There is still one thing to be done, recommended by midwives, GPs (my wife's friend) and which can only be alluded to here. It involves olive oil...
Let's hope this works, because once this boundary is crossed there is no going back...
Thursday, 12 November 2009
D Day comes...and very probably goes
So, remember, remember, the 12th of November. The day the little one is supposed to arrive has come and very nearly gone. If it doesn't arrive before midnight then I owe my wife a quid. Come on little baby!
My wife is really going through the ringer at the moment - she's so uncomfortable and a little sad that the baby hasn't shown its face. Obviously a natural process can't be exactly timed, but there is such a weight of expectation that it's difficult not to be downhearted. But, as the midwife said this afternoon, a baby comes when baby is ready.
And to add to this, tomorrow is Friday the 13th!
My wife is really going through the ringer at the moment - she's so uncomfortable and a little sad that the baby hasn't shown its face. Obviously a natural process can't be exactly timed, but there is such a weight of expectation that it's difficult not to be downhearted. But, as the midwife said this afternoon, a baby comes when baby is ready.
And to add to this, tomorrow is Friday the 13th!
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
Waiting...
My wife is going out of her mind! She's due in 24 hours and there has been not even a twinge. I'm constantly under her feet and making her even more annoyed - come on baby, hurry up!
Today we've had an orgy of cleaning. I've had the vacuum cleaner underneath the sofa and the rug in the living room, so that when we push it back to make room for the birthing pool we won't be embarrassed in front of the midwives. We now have the cleanest front room in the area - as clean and sterile as a hospital - roll on the delivery.
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Car Seats
Sorry, I couldn't think of an imaginative title for this post!
Finally, after much to-ing and fro-ing we now have a car seat, and it's installed. Never before has there been so much choice for one thing which should be so simple. Seatbelt or Iso-Fix? From birth or from 9 months? Front or back? To last 12 months or for four years? Expectant Dad could not cope. Luckily, mummy is an experienced shopper, and took it all in her stride. Finally, someone in a shop got off the fence and said which make they'd go for, with their own money. So now we have a fixed-in base and a car-seat/carry-cot that clips in place. Hopefully this means there should be minimal fuss in slotting baby in and out and maybe even transferring the seat between cars if necessary. A boring post this then (but when have seats ever been sexy) but I am now one relieved Expectant Dad- everything is set for the birth now. I just need the wife to bake that bun in the oven and pop it out! (Only two days to go if it's going to be on time - it will probably be like its mum and be fashinably late!?
Finally, after much to-ing and fro-ing we now have a car seat, and it's installed. Never before has there been so much choice for one thing which should be so simple. Seatbelt or Iso-Fix? From birth or from 9 months? Front or back? To last 12 months or for four years? Expectant Dad could not cope. Luckily, mummy is an experienced shopper, and took it all in her stride. Finally, someone in a shop got off the fence and said which make they'd go for, with their own money. So now we have a fixed-in base and a car-seat/carry-cot that clips in place. Hopefully this means there should be minimal fuss in slotting baby in and out and maybe even transferring the seat between cars if necessary. A boring post this then (but when have seats ever been sexy) but I am now one relieved Expectant Dad- everything is set for the birth now. I just need the wife to bake that bun in the oven and pop it out! (Only two days to go if it's going to be on time - it will probably be like its mum and be fashinably late!?
Sunday, 8 November 2009
Lesson for the day
From Ted Hughes' letters:
"The only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough...didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all."
Obviously a poet laureate is always going to be able to put these things in to words much better than me (I'm a better critic than a creative) but there are few better mottos to live by than carpe diem.
"The only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough...didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all."
Obviously a poet laureate is always going to be able to put these things in to words much better than me (I'm a better critic than a creative) but there are few better mottos to live by than carpe diem.
Stone cold classic
My wife walked up the aisle towards me to the strains of this piece of southern soul (stax, baby!) and I haven't ever forgotten to be her lover - number 1 on the playlist - welcome to the world little one!
Friday, 6 November 2009
Dreams of times still to come
The wife and her sister are watching The Devil Wears Prada on DVD and dreaming of the days when they can once again wear 5 inch stiletto heels, drink pitchers of Cosmopolitans and peruse the rails at Louis Vuitton (my wife has less than one year to save up for her 30th birthday present to herself, a Chanel 2.55 handbag).
In the meantime, my wife has been dreaming of buying mini-Uggs for the baby, boy or girl, and I've been thinking of custom-made Nike iD trainers for the little one - sure, he or she will wear them maybe once before growing out of them, but hey, at least I can frame them for posterity.
In the meantime, my wife has been dreaming of buying mini-Uggs for the baby, boy or girl, and I've been thinking of custom-made Nike iD trainers for the little one - sure, he or she will wear them maybe once before growing out of them, but hey, at least I can frame them for posterity.
Thursday, 5 November 2009
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
La Bassine c'est arrive!
This afternoon Parcelforce dropped off a mammoth package - in the box was a hosepipe (yes really), an adapter, two electronic pumps and an inflatable birthing pool. Reality dawns for Expectant Dad.
This weekend promises an orgy of practice inflations and deflations, trips to B+Q to buy a tarpaulin (splish, splash, splosh, all over the leather sofa and flat screen TV - I don't think so) and a journey to Tesco to buy a cheap plastic sieve (don't ask, use your imagination). Maybe we should sell tickets along our street to try and recoup some of our expenditure. As my dad says, you'll never turn a profit by getting pregnant. My wife feels much happier now that everything has arrived, telling the bump that it is free to come along as soon as possible. She's even resorted to playing Wii Tennis to try and jiggle things along.
The last week or so seems to have dragged by somewhat - my wife is now well into her maternity leave, and with the baby's head engaged she is somewhat tired and uncomfortable. She also needs help putting on her shoes because she can't bend down; the bump is so big, she hasn't seen her feet for a long time. It's amazing how quickly Expectant Dad has picked up these terms (head engaged, fixed at brim, etc) and I've gone from feeling like a slack dad to an old pro.
I'm getting more and more eager to meet the baby. I'm intrigued by what colour it's skin, hair and eyes are going to be. I want to hold my baby for the first time; I've even kind of psyched myself up to wipe a stinky bum for the first time. Anyway, enough gushing for now, I'm sure I'll return with a sarcastic comment soon.
This weekend promises an orgy of practice inflations and deflations, trips to B+Q to buy a tarpaulin (splish, splash, splosh, all over the leather sofa and flat screen TV - I don't think so) and a journey to Tesco to buy a cheap plastic sieve (don't ask, use your imagination). Maybe we should sell tickets along our street to try and recoup some of our expenditure. As my dad says, you'll never turn a profit by getting pregnant. My wife feels much happier now that everything has arrived, telling the bump that it is free to come along as soon as possible. She's even resorted to playing Wii Tennis to try and jiggle things along.
The last week or so seems to have dragged by somewhat - my wife is now well into her maternity leave, and with the baby's head engaged she is somewhat tired and uncomfortable. She also needs help putting on her shoes because she can't bend down; the bump is so big, she hasn't seen her feet for a long time. It's amazing how quickly Expectant Dad has picked up these terms (head engaged, fixed at brim, etc) and I've gone from feeling like a slack dad to an old pro.
I'm getting more and more eager to meet the baby. I'm intrigued by what colour it's skin, hair and eyes are going to be. I want to hold my baby for the first time; I've even kind of psyched myself up to wipe a stinky bum for the first time. Anyway, enough gushing for now, I'm sure I'll return with a sarcastic comment soon.
Tuesday, 3 November 2009
Baby names
A veritable minefield this, especially in a mixed marriage such as ours.
"Can your mum and dad say this name?"
"Can yours?!"
Apparently Wayne Rooney and Coleen have named their kid Kai Wayne Rooney. Now, my wife tells me that we got engaged at roughly the same time as them, got married at the same time as them, went to the same hotel in Miami as them for our honeymoon (the very bling Shore Club, check the link on the right), and now my wife is giving birth at roughly the same time as them. Her WAG-abee dreams are coming true. The true footballer's lifestyle is surely within her grasp.
Does this mean we're going to call our bundle of joy Kai? Not too much laughter at the back there! We had thought of traditional Indian names (not great if Expectant Dad can't pronounce them), we had thought of Jewish names (I have a Jewish name even though I'm not a Jew), we had thought of old testament names, because they sound vaguely Jewish. And then we thought of Roman names - pretty much because they sound bling and for no other reason. Ergo, we had actually thought that if it's a boy, we could call him Caius, which you could shorten to Cai. Does this now automatically come off the list?
So, here are a few options we have at the moment.
Boys:
Cassius (shortened to Cass, maybe?)
Caius (it stays up there...)
Girls:
Suri (yes, as in Cruise. Traditional Jewish name, that actually sounds remarkably similar to my wife's late mother's name)
Chandra (you know, the Indian Sandra)
Naya/Naia
Nayum/Naium (variant spellings of. Sound a bit 'African' where my wife's mum was from, but not too ethno-specific)
Can Expectant Dad get some feedback please? Are there any clear favourites? Or have I missed out on a humdinger? Answers on a postcard please (well, actually just post a comment!)
"Can your mum and dad say this name?"
"Can yours?!"
Apparently Wayne Rooney and Coleen have named their kid Kai Wayne Rooney. Now, my wife tells me that we got engaged at roughly the same time as them, got married at the same time as them, went to the same hotel in Miami as them for our honeymoon (the very bling Shore Club, check the link on the right), and now my wife is giving birth at roughly the same time as them. Her WAG-abee dreams are coming true. The true footballer's lifestyle is surely within her grasp.
Does this mean we're going to call our bundle of joy Kai? Not too much laughter at the back there! We had thought of traditional Indian names (not great if Expectant Dad can't pronounce them), we had thought of Jewish names (I have a Jewish name even though I'm not a Jew), we had thought of old testament names, because they sound vaguely Jewish. And then we thought of Roman names - pretty much because they sound bling and for no other reason. Ergo, we had actually thought that if it's a boy, we could call him Caius, which you could shorten to Cai. Does this now automatically come off the list?
So, here are a few options we have at the moment.
Boys:
Cassius (shortened to Cass, maybe?)
Caius (it stays up there...)
Girls:
Suri (yes, as in Cruise. Traditional Jewish name, that actually sounds remarkably similar to my wife's late mother's name)
Chandra (you know, the Indian Sandra)
Naya/Naia
Nayum/Naium (variant spellings of. Sound a bit 'African' where my wife's mum was from, but not too ethno-specific)
Can Expectant Dad get some feedback please? Are there any clear favourites? Or have I missed out on a humdinger? Answers on a postcard please (well, actually just post a comment!)
Birthing Playlist
Calling all readers of Expectant Dad (so that's roughly two people):
One of my jobs as Expectant Dad is to compile a birthing playlist for the old iPod; soothing tunes to help mummy push and lovely sounds to welcome baby into the world.
I already have some ideas. I think instrumental music will have to feature pretty heavily (I really don't want my child to enter the world to some really 'wrong' lyrics). I'd quite like the Cinematic Orchestra to be on there as it's what we left the civil ceremony to.
So this is where it comes to you, blog readers. I would greatly appreciate it if you could post some ideas for songs I should include - just imagine, the great unwashed out there could contribute to the start of life for this little one. What greater reward could there be? If you have any ideas, please post a comment/reply, and why you think the song will be appropriate. I may even set up a poll of the favourites on Expectant Dad, and even include a screenshot of my iTunes playlist as proof I'm listening...
One of my jobs as Expectant Dad is to compile a birthing playlist for the old iPod; soothing tunes to help mummy push and lovely sounds to welcome baby into the world.
I already have some ideas. I think instrumental music will have to feature pretty heavily (I really don't want my child to enter the world to some really 'wrong' lyrics). I'd quite like the Cinematic Orchestra to be on there as it's what we left the civil ceremony to.
So this is where it comes to you, blog readers. I would greatly appreciate it if you could post some ideas for songs I should include - just imagine, the great unwashed out there could contribute to the start of life for this little one. What greater reward could there be? If you have any ideas, please post a comment/reply, and why you think the song will be appropriate. I may even set up a poll of the favourites on Expectant Dad, and even include a screenshot of my iTunes playlist as proof I'm listening...
Is it better to be mixed race?
How's about that for a provocative title then? This was the title of a Channel 4 programme last night (02.11.09) and I took more than a slight interest - you see I'm white British and my wife is British-Indian (check out the links on the right hand side of the blog, she's Sikh). So, the baby we're going to have will be a little "hybrid".
Until recently my wife and I hadn't even thought about what this would mean in practice, but just last week she turned to me and said, 'What if the baby doesn't look like me?' To which I replied that of course it would - in fact, better to look like mummy than have my satellite dish ears.
Well, according to the molecular geneticist (!) on TV last night, mixed race babies might be more genetically hetero-zygous, which in theory could lead them to be genetically predisposed to better health (taking in to account that environment will also play a massive part). So, I'm having a Genetic Super Baby!
So, me and my wife are now looking forward to seeing what our genetic hybrid will look like...
For more info, http://raceandscience.channel4.com/?intcmp=homepage_main_race-science
Until recently my wife and I hadn't even thought about what this would mean in practice, but just last week she turned to me and said, 'What if the baby doesn't look like me?' To which I replied that of course it would - in fact, better to look like mummy than have my satellite dish ears.
Well, according to the molecular geneticist (!) on TV last night, mixed race babies might be more genetically hetero-zygous, which in theory could lead them to be genetically predisposed to better health (taking in to account that environment will also play a massive part). So, I'm having a Genetic Super Baby!
So, me and my wife are now looking forward to seeing what our genetic hybrid will look like...
For more info, http://raceandscience.channel4.com/?intcmp=homepage_main_race-science
Paddling pool?
So, the possibility of home birth looms ever closer. Notice no Expectant Dad in the picture on the left, pacing the living room, biting his nails or asking the midwife, "Is it done yet?"
See how calm the (obviously not pregnant) lady looks, just chilling in her big blue bath? That is the image I'm going to hold in my mind as we approach T-minus seven days to lift-off.
Monday, 2 November 2009
Home-birthing?!?!
Here's the deal then - "how about a home birth?"
This is the first question/statement that the midwife says at the first antenatal parenting class.
Cue wide eyes, a dawning smile and a million questions from my wife.
Cue wide eyes (full of panic), jaw hitting the floor and visions of me delivering the baby myself for the dad to be.
This is the first question/statement that the midwife says at the first antenatal parenting class.
Cue wide eyes, a dawning smile and a million questions from my wife.
Cue wide eyes (full of panic), jaw hitting the floor and visions of me delivering the baby myself for the dad to be.
But here's the thing - just how bad could it be? The longer you think about it, the less disastrous it seems and the more natural it could be. Without wanting to sound too sandal and sack-cloth about it, could it be better for both baby and mum to give birth in a non-medicalised environment, where comfort is key and the environment can be made much more suitable more easily?
Just as Expectant Dad is thinking about how wonderful a home birth could be (light a candle, some soothing music on the iPod, tandem chanting from mum and dad-to-be, deep breathing) we have a visit to the antenatal class from a couple who've just had a home birth only twelve days ago. Says dad:
"It was like an abbatoir."
Deep gulp from Expectant Dad. To be continued...
Midwives
Today we had a home visit from the community midwives. For some reason, having the tummy measured while your wife lies on the sofa in the living room really brings home (literally) that a baby is very soon going to be residing in the home with you. This sounds like a case of new dad's panic, but really it was just excitement. The baby's heart was pounding like a steam train which is always good news and the bump is massive. With under two weeks to go the arrival of the baby is now imminent. You may think this is a strange time to start blogging about pregnancy, but really it has taken me this long to fully comprehend what being a dad is going to be all about (I'm all about procrastination). It's only now that I can fully reflect upon everything that happens during pregnancy - it's amazing that 40 weeks can disappear in a blur. I have the feeling that very soon it will become even more of a whirlwind as the nights of uninterrupted sleep go the way of the dodo.
Having a baby forces you to think about posterity, and I'd quite like it if in the future the baby could look at this blog as a record of the time before and during it's early life - and as a way to connect with me in the future. I'd love the baby to know quite how excited me and its mum are in these days leading up to its arrival - in fact, we are getting really antsy. These last few days are really starting to drag - my wife is now on maternity leave and the days seem to stretch into eternity. We're not wishing this time away however - I have the feeling this is the calm before the storm!
Having a baby forces you to think about posterity, and I'd quite like it if in the future the baby could look at this blog as a record of the time before and during it's early life - and as a way to connect with me in the future. I'd love the baby to know quite how excited me and its mum are in these days leading up to its arrival - in fact, we are getting really antsy. These last few days are really starting to drag - my wife is now on maternity leave and the days seem to stretch into eternity. We're not wishing this time away however - I have the feeling this is the calm before the storm!
1st Dispatch
Hello cyberspace/the blogosphere/whatever we're calling the internet this week.
This is the first dispatch in the life and times of Expectant Dad - just a regular bloke from the North of England whose wife, 8 1\2 months ago, told him she had 'some good news'. The general consensus from those in the know (i.e. friends and family who have taken the plunge into parenthood) is that nothing is ever the same again. Prepare to follow me on my journey from 'half job', through 'slack dad' and on to 'the best dad in the world!' Well, we can all hope for the best, can't we..?
This blog is going to be written from my perspective in order to give a dad's-eye view of pregnancy, labour, birth and parenthood - after all, the ladies seem to be both well versed and well catered for during this period. I don't know about any other expectant dad's out there, but us guys don't seem to have the same support networks as our women folk - I mean, do you ever sit down with your mate, a pint and, you know, discuss the ins and outs of disposable nappies versus washable? I consider myself a 21st century guy, 'metrosexual', 'heteropolitan' and the rest, but that's a stretch for even me.
Basically Expectant Dad is my sounding board for my hopes and fears, triumphs and tears, and I really hope anyone who reads this gets something out of it. Well, here goes...
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