The future can only be anticipated in the form of an absolute danger. It is that which breaks absolutely with constituted normality and can only be proclaimed, presented, as a sort of monstrosity.

Jacques Derrida, Of Grammatology

Bun in the oven...AND STILL BAKING!

As I write this on Sunday afternoon, November 15th, my wife is still massively pregnant. The due date has come and gone, and several more days have passed. I feel like I used to as a small child waiting for Christmas Day to arrive. Imagine for a year you had been told that you were going to get the most amazing Christmas present, but when you woke up on the 25th of December someone said to you, "Maybe tomorrow." And then imagine that "Maybe tomorrow" keeps on being repeated. This is how me and my wife feel. The poor thing was so upset last Thursday when the baby failed to show its face. I was heartbroken for her because she got so sad and disappointed. Maybe it's just better to think of it as indefinitely postponed, to make the expectation and subsequent relief even greater. If it does come, can I still remain Expectant-Dad? Yes, I think so - expectant of the new world of possibilities that open up with fatherhood. No-one has said anything about one phase of life being over, and I'd disagree with them if they did, but I'm actually looking forward to a new world of added responsibility. I've only been a husband for just over a year, but now I will have two people's needs to put before my own.

We've tried all the old-wives' tales to bring on the baby. Last week we actually ate three curries which must be some sort of record. For one week our house did actually smell like a proper asian household! We've also tried, whisper it, S-E-X, which wasn't massively easy. It didn't work either, but it was almost as enjoyable as the curry. There is still one thing to be done, recommended by midwives, GPs (my wife's friend) and which can only be alluded to here. It involves olive oil...

Let's hope this works, because once this boundary is crossed there is no going back...

D Day comes...and very probably goes

So, remember, remember, the 12th of November. The day the little one is supposed to arrive has come and very nearly gone. If it doesn't arrive before midnight then I owe my wife a quid. Come on little baby!

My wife is really going through the ringer at the moment - she's so uncomfortable and a little sad that the baby hasn't shown its face. Obviously a natural process can't be exactly timed, but there is such a weight of expectation that it's difficult not to be downhearted. But, as the midwife said this afternoon, a baby comes when baby is ready.

And to add to this, tomorrow is Friday the 13th!

Waiting...

My wife is going out of her mind! She's due in 24 hours and there has been not even a twinge. I'm constantly under her feet and making her even more annoyed - come on baby, hurry up!

Today we've had an orgy of cleaning. I've had the vacuum cleaner underneath the sofa and the rug in the living room, so that when we push it back to make room for the birthing pool we won't be embarrassed in front of the midwives. We now have the cleanest front room in the area - as clean and sterile as a hospital - roll on the delivery.

Car Seats

Sorry, I couldn't think of an imaginative title for this post!

Finally, after much to-ing and fro-ing we now have a car seat, and it's installed. Never before has there been so much choice for one thing which should be so simple. Seatbelt or Iso-Fix? From birth or from 9 months? Front or back? To last 12 months or for four years? Expectant Dad could not cope. Luckily, mummy is an experienced shopper, and took it all in her stride. Finally, someone in a shop got off the fence and said which make they'd go for, with their own money. So now we have a fixed-in base and a car-seat/carry-cot that clips in place. Hopefully this means there should be minimal fuss in slotting baby in and out and maybe even transferring the seat between cars if necessary. A boring post this then (but when have seats ever been sexy) but I am now one relieved Expectant Dad- everything is set for the birth now. I just need the wife to bake that bun in the oven and pop it out! (Only two days to go if it's going to be on time - it will probably be like its mum and be fashinably late!?

Lesson for the day

From Ted Hughes' letters:

"The only thing people regret is that they didn't live boldly enough...didn't love enough. Nothing else really counts at all."

Obviously a poet laureate is always going to be able to put these things in to words much better than me (I'm a better critic than a creative) but there are few better mottos to live by than carpe diem.

Stone cold classic

My wife walked up the aisle towards me to the strains of this piece of southern soul (stax, baby!) and I haven't ever forgotten to be her lover - number 1 on the playlist - welcome to the world little one!